Lighting the Way Forward: A Diwali Reflection on Fear, Inheritance, and Joy

Speak Your Truth Series

Where I Come From

My mum grew up in poverty but was determined to change her story. She studied hard, earned her way into college, and just as her world was beginning to open up, she moved abroad—after a marriage proposal that would completely alter the course of her life.

My dad, on the other hand, was still a young boy when his family fled an imminent civil war in the sixties. They left behind everything familiar and arrived in the UK to face a cold winter and an even colder reality—one of starting over from nothing.

Both were born to parents who lived through the final years of British rule — a time when colonial politics, poverty, and migration shaped what survival meant. I know there was unspoken trauma passed down — the kind that doesn’t need words to be felt. The type that lives quietly in the body, in how we love, protect, and persevere.

Fear as Motivation

When I graduated from university, all I wanted was to make my parents proud. I buried the anxiety pulsing through my veins and didn’t allow myself to dream about what I truly wanted. Instead, I gave my power away, believing others knew better—because I didn’t yet trust myself to find another path.

Above all, I wanted stability. I wanted money. I wanted to feel independent — like I wasn’t a burden anymore. My parents had worked so hard, and I wanted to show them I could too.

Growing up, the message was never spoken aloud, but we felt it deeply: girls who didn’t educate themselves or secure good jobs would eventually be married off, handed over as someone else’s responsibility.

We didn’t inherit a trust fund — We inherited survival.

If Joy Led the Way

I used to wonder if I carried something heavy from generations before me—though I didn’t have the words for it back then. Now I understand that fear has been the underlying force shaping many of my choices.

And sometimes I wonder — Who would I be if joy had been my motivation instead of fear? If I had known who I truly was, instead of chasing who I thought my loved ones and society wanted me to be?

Would I feel safer in my body, more anchored, and less anxious if I had taken safety for granted the way others do?

What My Mother Taught Me Without Words

What if my mother — who had to watch her own mother suffer, who lost her too soon, who carried the weight of responsibility — had been able to be softer with herself? What if my grandmother, too, had known forgiveness instead of survival?

I think about all of it now. I tell my inner child: I get it. I see why you were scared. I know why you tried so hard. We don’t have to live like that anymore.

Lighting the Path Ahead

Diwali has always been about light — about the quiet decision to let something new begin. Every diya we light is a small act of faith, a reminder that illumination doesn’t erase the dark; it simply coexists with it.

So this year, I’m letting go of what was built on fear. I’m choosing to care less about what soothes my anxiety, and more about what brings me joy.

That’s the real new year for me — To live from truth, not from trauma. To let joy, not fear, lead the way home.

From My Heart to Yours

As we step into the new year, may you find the courage to rewrite the stories that no longer serve you.
May your light feel soft but steady.
May joy be your inheritance.

About the Speak Your Truth Series

The Speak Your Truth series is an ongoing collection of reflections, art, and stories from the NPFD studio — where fashion, lineage, and healing intersect. Whether wearable or written, each piece is rooted in remembrance, reclamation, and the belief that our stories hold power.